Hard to believe another year has gone by.. almost.
I've moved on from some of the challenges which struck, or that I dredged up because at 40 its long past time to settle some of those issues of the past. Clear the mind, relearn to accept the self. Accepting.. is difficult for everyone, I'm no exception there.
This years challenge is progesterone, and unlike 99.999% of the population I don't have any. And I realize in the realms of doctors that limited the pool of candidates for who the "Onnineko" is to a very small group, integrity we hope will win. :) No one is offering rewards for me yet! We'll see.
So progesterone, most people, male and female alike, exist at about 0.5 ng/mL or a bit more and the major exception is a pregnant woman who will be in the hundreds. This is literally THE HORMONE of life, every organ in the entire body uses progesterone, so you can probably imagine my surprise that I don't have any. Similar to individuals with the extremely rare expression of Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia (CAH) 3Beta-Hydroxysteriod Dehydrogenase deficiency ... (to the doctor team who knows me, I know who you are too).
This past year, specifically, and years past in general I have been experimenting with what this means to have no measurable level of progesterone. Studying why, what effects that matter, and the how/whys of treatment. Some of them make sense, some don't... and only 1-2 researchers/highly decorated docs need to die before the medical thinking will change to a more beneficial pathway. That is perhaps my most significant gripe with the USA medical system, they will stubbornly cling to outdated notions for decades until the original writer dies.
Supplementing progesterone however, is not simple, unlike say taking a major sex defining hormone like estradiol. The packaging and doctors tell me its lifetime is 20 hours, wrong. I've found through trial and error that for.....ME.... its under 13 hours. Which means if the me I know and trust who is smart, witty, and on top of life suddenly runs out of progesterone (a Major hormone, drives everything really) there are consequences. For me it means the anxiety of changing hormone levels builds rapidly, most menopausal women will have some understanding of what I mean by that. Worse for me, personally, the anxiety and panic of crashing hormones pulls out the stops on Gender Identity Disorder.. which doesn't pull any punches. The GID problem will probably kill me someday, if it doesn't get resolved, but it is not the worst problem. The GID issue is only a problem when my anxiety levels are up from cascading or changing hormone levels. So yes, really its a problem that can be masked by leveling out the hormones and keeping them there.
By rights, I should simply admit I'm female, have the docs fix the problem.. be a woman, and move on. Then I'd be just like most other menopausal or hyster-deprived women, experiencing rapid mood swings from hormone levels which just won't stay level. Awfully tempting to do that, as it would release one of the worst nightmares of my life - the idea of not being female. I've thought about asking the medical establishment to undo their work, take me back to the hermaphrodite I was before they "fixed" me. Perhaps that would be enough.. and the specter of GID would leave me alone at last.
Either way, supplementing progesterone is likely to be something each person has to learn what their individual body needs and what kind of burn time you each have for it. Most people as I said, the 99.999% don't need more progesterone, your body makes plenty.
ps. I need to resolve the GID issue.. damn.
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