Tuesday, April 5, 2022

...and then some time passed

 Hard to believe that its been 7 years since my last posting.  I've been busy.

Since I last posted, several positive events have happened with a multitude of others stepping up across the world and in the USA, their actions have created a pretty decent beginning of a conversation about Intersex.

Recently I had a chance to stop, I mean really stop, everything... to a complete halt; And for long enough that I could finally for the first time in my more than 50 years on this planet, I could begin to unpack some of the many gender and relationship events of my life, even as far back as early youth.  This necessary time of reflection has allowed, given my nearly complete understanding of everything that was done to me, everything I myself did, and all of the consequences; My first love... rejection, and loss of the person I'd thought a friend.  And many more events.

Understand, when you are in pain...living in a place so dark that suicide is a daily consideration; There isn't time to break down every side of an event, the mind becomes numb to everything it can.  And later when I have managed to pass those dark days, I practiced a different kind of purposeful avoidance of the bright hot shards of pure anguish that lay across my mental landscape.  My avoidance was practiced through work... which made me fairly "successful" in the world, I was always seeking more of that work stuff.  You might even go so far as to say, I was good at dodging the pain; I was exceptional in the realm of work.

Alas... lately I have had some time, and one by one those shards have been evaluated and analyzed.  I didn't even realize at the time why it hurt so much when the guy I thought was my friend, my so very close friend...married someone else, he broke my heart.  Why would anyone want a broken intersex person?



That.  Was. 25 years ago.  Painful as the moment I learned of it.  That my friend was leaving the country to join the girl he wanted to marry.  Ouch.  Still Hurts.

Anyway, I did work through it, finally cried it out... Not sure how often I'll update this site.  However, I wanted to say the works of the various Intersex organizations appear to be having a positive effects, and I have reached a better place (tears and all).  Oh and I'm still alive out here.

Best of Luck

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